Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Soon, Near and At Hand...Day 20
As I continued to research further into this method of interpretation that was new to me the more I realized that this was nothing new at all. The more time I spent researching the fulfilled view of eschatology, the more I realized that I had quite simply missed the boat regarding this view as I had been studying the end times over the last couple of years. I had heard the term preterism before and simply laughed it off as absurd but now, somehow, something had changed. Why was it that this understanding that was new to me was now ringing through my head as true? Maybe it was because of many many hours of study that left me frustrated. Maybe it was because of someone like Hank Hanegraaff, whom I respected highly for his work on the radio, that had accepted some form of preterism that helped me see past my own desires of upholding the futurist view that I had been holding to so tightly. Then again, maybe it was something as simple as God's will and His timing. Either way a new season in my life had begun and my life would never be the same.
And so with each and every passing morning that I was working at the radio station I began to look deeper and further into the preterist view of eschatology. Although I must say...I almost felt kind of funny doing this research while working at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa. The reason why is because of some recent changes that they had made to their network at the church. You see...CCCM is a huge church. And when you add up all of the hundreds of different people that work there in all of the different ministries that have access to their computer network and the internet it was pretty clear why they had just recently added Websense to the network. Websense is a security and monitoring software that tracks where everyone that has permission to be on the network has been. That and block certain things that most churches don't want their staff looking at.
And so here I was full of excitement for this new path that I was traveling down and wanting to search every corner of the world wide web, scooping up every morsel of knowledge on the subject that I could find...And now they would be keeping track of every step I took. Doh!!! 8)
At first I was a little apprehensive. I didn't want them to see that I was spending so much time looking at websites about something that was so fundamentally different from what Calvary Chapel taught. Now mind you...I wasn't by any means letting this research keep me from doing my job. If you remember being on-air leaves you with a lot of spare time. Although I must say...my studies for the school of ministry did take a slight turn for the worse. Not to much though. I had already gotten so far ahead on so much of my work that I was able to coast for a while.
And so after a few days I got over my Websense related apprehension. And I was off doing tons of research on the topic of preterism and of course like most people I've spoken to, that had come to a preterist view of the end-times, I was pretty excited and wanted to tell everyone. And so I did. Kind of quietly at first. I started printing out pages here and there. Asking pointed questions related to the time statements found in the opening and closing chapters of Revelation. But most of the people I was talking to...Other School of Ministry students, had a lot on their plates and didn't really have the time to dedicate to this kind of thing or they really just didn't care. Eschatology was not their gig...They'd say things like, "I'm not worried about it too much...It's all gonna pan out in the end."
Needless to say I was really kind of surprised how little interest most people had. And those that would listen to me almost always had a question that I wasn't ready for at this point in my journey. And that's about the time when I came across an article online by a guy named David A. Green. It was called "101 Preterist Time-Indicators for the Second Coming of Christ - From Preterism: 101."
When I finished reading this article I had to pick my jaw up off of the cold, laminated counter top in the studio and wipe up copious amounts of drool. <---A little too descriptive...Maybe??? Anyhow...I was absolutely shocked to see just how many time statements there were indicating that the last days events found in the New Testament were nothing other than soon, near and at hand. I had thought that surely with all of this fine evidence printed out and in hand that someone would see what I was seeing. And so what was the first response I got from one of my School of Ministry brothers. "Well of course the end was near...And it still is. 2 Peter 3:8 'But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.' It's only been a couple of days to God."
Clearly at this point my zeal was much stronger than my understanding of a fulfilled view of prophecy. And so I decided that I just needed to keep my mouth shut and study more.
And so with each and every passing morning that I was working at the radio station I began to look deeper and further into the preterist view of eschatology. Although I must say...I almost felt kind of funny doing this research while working at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa. The reason why is because of some recent changes that they had made to their network at the church. You see...CCCM is a huge church. And when you add up all of the hundreds of different people that work there in all of the different ministries that have access to their computer network and the internet it was pretty clear why they had just recently added Websense to the network. Websense is a security and monitoring software that tracks where everyone that has permission to be on the network has been. That and block certain things that most churches don't want their staff looking at.
And so here I was full of excitement for this new path that I was traveling down and wanting to search every corner of the world wide web, scooping up every morsel of knowledge on the subject that I could find...And now they would be keeping track of every step I took. Doh!!! 8)
At first I was a little apprehensive. I didn't want them to see that I was spending so much time looking at websites about something that was so fundamentally different from what Calvary Chapel taught. Now mind you...I wasn't by any means letting this research keep me from doing my job. If you remember being on-air leaves you with a lot of spare time. Although I must say...my studies for the school of ministry did take a slight turn for the worse. Not to much though. I had already gotten so far ahead on so much of my work that I was able to coast for a while.
And so after a few days I got over my Websense related apprehension. And I was off doing tons of research on the topic of preterism and of course like most people I've spoken to, that had come to a preterist view of the end-times, I was pretty excited and wanted to tell everyone. And so I did. Kind of quietly at first. I started printing out pages here and there. Asking pointed questions related to the time statements found in the opening and closing chapters of Revelation. But most of the people I was talking to...Other School of Ministry students, had a lot on their plates and didn't really have the time to dedicate to this kind of thing or they really just didn't care. Eschatology was not their gig...They'd say things like, "I'm not worried about it too much...It's all gonna pan out in the end."
Needless to say I was really kind of surprised how little interest most people had. And those that would listen to me almost always had a question that I wasn't ready for at this point in my journey. And that's about the time when I came across an article online by a guy named David A. Green. It was called "101 Preterist Time-Indicators for the Second Coming of Christ - From Preterism: 101."
When I finished reading this article I had to pick my jaw up off of the cold, laminated counter top in the studio and wipe up copious amounts of drool. <---A little too descriptive...Maybe??? Anyhow...I was absolutely shocked to see just how many time statements there were indicating that the last days events found in the New Testament were nothing other than soon, near and at hand. I had thought that surely with all of this fine evidence printed out and in hand that someone would see what I was seeing. And so what was the first response I got from one of my School of Ministry brothers. "Well of course the end was near...And it still is. 2 Peter 3:8 'But, beloved, do not forget this one thing, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.' It's only been a couple of days to God."
Clearly at this point my zeal was much stronger than my understanding of a fulfilled view of prophecy. And so I decided that I just needed to keep my mouth shut and study more.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
The future was looking much brighter...Day 19
The future was looking much brighter. The doom and gloom of the futurist views that I had once held on to were now being replaced by a renewed sense of excitement in understanding the last days prophecies found in scripture as fulfilled quite victoriously within the time frame in which they were promised to take place.
Although...There I was...An employee of Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa. A church that holds to a very literal interpretation of the scriptures...That is literal, unless it leads to absurdity. And all of a sudden I am faced with the reality that my very literal view that I had been holding to was no longer holding the water that it once used to. Sigh...<---Long drawn out sigh. 8)
One of the best things about working the overnight shift at the radio station is that it gave me ample time to study. If you remember, this was the primary reason that I was able to work full time and go to the School of Ministry. That following night I got into the station a little early to get some of my nightly duties wrapped up before my on-air shift started. I then proceeded to get all of my required studying done for school so that I could get to work on studying this new found way of understanding the scriptures from a fulfilled perspective.
And so with a few quick keystrokes I was on my way to my favorite internet search engine...Google. I typed in the word preterism. Holy mackerel...Ten's of thousands of hits. And then I typed in preterist. There were even more hits than the previous search. How could I have missed this for so long. 8) Anyhow...One of the first pages that I came across was www.preterism.us. A website that no longer exists aside from that wonderful online utility known as "The Wayback Machine." On this website there were 19 articles by a guy named David B. Curtis, who serves as the pastor of Berean Bible Church, in Chesapeake, Virginia. And one by a guy named Don K. Preston. Don is a speaker, radio host, and author of many books.
And so I started reading the articles one after the other. I was barely able to tear my self away to take care of my on-air duties at the station. Everything I was reading was making complete sense and I was becoming more and more excited with each and every paragraph. All of the problems that I had reconciling different issues within the futurist framework of eschatology were quickly fading away. Mind you, these articles weren't small by any means. It probably took me three days to get through them all with everything else that I was doing.
That morning when Lee Davis came in he found me full of excitement and with eyes as bright as a red red rose from having spent all night staring into a computer monitor in a dimly lit studio, having probably blinked no more than 7 times. 8) While I was in school he too had read a number of the articles and had found himself just as intrigued as I had. The lively discussions that Lee and I had each morning as we went through all of the articles on the website made up for the many months of animosity that had been created by the fruitless arguments over the futurist views that we once held. The both of us were now experiencing a renewed sense of excitement for a study of the scriptures. We were both greeting each other every morning with new things that we were now seeing that we had somehow missed before.
Where the Bible had once been quite simply printed words in black and white, we were now seeing a new, vibrant and living narrative that was reconciling issues that had once caused much confusion.
Although...There I was...An employee of Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa. A church that holds to a very literal interpretation of the scriptures...That is literal, unless it leads to absurdity. And all of a sudden I am faced with the reality that my very literal view that I had been holding to was no longer holding the water that it once used to. Sigh...<---Long drawn out sigh. 8)
One of the best things about working the overnight shift at the radio station is that it gave me ample time to study. If you remember, this was the primary reason that I was able to work full time and go to the School of Ministry. That following night I got into the station a little early to get some of my nightly duties wrapped up before my on-air shift started. I then proceeded to get all of my required studying done for school so that I could get to work on studying this new found way of understanding the scriptures from a fulfilled perspective.
And so with a few quick keystrokes I was on my way to my favorite internet search engine...Google. I typed in the word preterism. Holy mackerel...Ten's of thousands of hits. And then I typed in preterist. There were even more hits than the previous search. How could I have missed this for so long. 8) Anyhow...One of the first pages that I came across was www.preterism.us. A website that no longer exists aside from that wonderful online utility known as "The Wayback Machine." On this website there were 19 articles by a guy named David B. Curtis, who serves as the pastor of Berean Bible Church, in Chesapeake, Virginia. And one by a guy named Don K. Preston. Don is a speaker, radio host, and author of many books.
And so I started reading the articles one after the other. I was barely able to tear my self away to take care of my on-air duties at the station. Everything I was reading was making complete sense and I was becoming more and more excited with each and every paragraph. All of the problems that I had reconciling different issues within the futurist framework of eschatology were quickly fading away. Mind you, these articles weren't small by any means. It probably took me three days to get through them all with everything else that I was doing.
That morning when Lee Davis came in he found me full of excitement and with eyes as bright as a red red rose from having spent all night staring into a computer monitor in a dimly lit studio, having probably blinked no more than 7 times. 8) While I was in school he too had read a number of the articles and had found himself just as intrigued as I had. The lively discussions that Lee and I had each morning as we went through all of the articles on the website made up for the many months of animosity that had been created by the fruitless arguments over the futurist views that we once held. The both of us were now experiencing a renewed sense of excitement for a study of the scriptures. We were both greeting each other every morning with new things that we were now seeing that we had somehow missed before.
Where the Bible had once been quite simply printed words in black and white, we were now seeing a new, vibrant and living narrative that was reconciling issues that had once caused much confusion.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Hold fast until I come...Day 18
For the life of me I can't remember what those little pocket puzzles that I had when I was a kid are called. To the right there is an illustration that should be familiar to those that had one. Rather than numbers though I remember them having something like a smiley face. We used to be able to get them after Sunday school in the Sunday school office. Probably with a Jesus face on it. 8) They used to give us a certificate every month if I remember correctly for good behavior or something of that sort. They had all kinds of goodies that you could choose from. You could buy very simple toys like the one I described above for one certificate or things like jewelry, books, Bibles, crosses, etc. for those kids that were patient and could save 3-4 years worth of those wonderful certificates with that red star in the middle. Those fleeting pieces of scrip never lasting more than one day for me. 8)What had happened to me on that early morning in March of 2005, was huge. The only word I can think of that is fitting is epiphany. As I had been studying the Bible over the last few years I had found myself getting more and more frustrated with my inability to solve that puzzle and have a smiley face staring up at me. Maybe frustration is too strong of a word. I guess I had hoped that with more study that the details regarding Bible prophecy would have become increasingly clearer. However to my dismay I found myself staring into the abyss of differing and contradictory futurist views that all seemed to have scriptural support. And I believe that it was this building frustration that was the priming of the pump that prepared me for that moment when a fulfilled view of prophecy fell in my lap.
Another example I like to use are constellations. Here in Southern California in the mountains just to the north of Dodger stadium and just a little east of the HOLLYWOOD sign is the world famous Griffith Park Observatory. If you've never been because of your geography and would like to see it, I would recommend James Dean's movie "Rebel Without a Cause." The observatory in that movie is the one that I am speaking of. Anyhow...Back to constellations. Inside the observatory they have a glass case that is approximately 6 foot square by 3 feet tall. Inside of it are stars suspended in mid air. On the display it asks you to try and figure out which constellation you are looking at. As you walk around it scratching your head you see a small x on the far side of it labeled, "Look Here." You can spend all day walking around the case but until you are standing in just the right place you can't see the "Big Dipper." You see...The constellations that we find in our dark night skies only exist from our perspective in our vast cosmos. And this is what it was like for me. I had all the right details, however I hadn't been looking at all the details from the proper perspective.
Are the events portrayed in the book of Revelation speaking of a future event? Yes...From the perspective of when it was written. Was there anything in the book of Revelation itself that spoke to it's time of fulfillment? Yes...And now they were starring me in the face and speaking rather boldly.
Revelation 1:1 "The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave Him to show His servants—things which must shortly take place."
Revelation 1:3 "Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written in it; for the time is near."
Revelation 2:25-26 "But hold fast what you have till I come. And he who overcomes, and keeps My works until the end, to him I will give power over the nations"
Revelation 3:11 "Behold, I am coming quickly! Hold fast what you have, that no one may take your crown."
Revelation 22:6 “These words are faithful and true.” And the Lord God of the holy prophets sent His angel to show His servants the things which must shortly take place.
Revelation 22:7 “Behold, I am coming quickly! Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy of this book.”
Revelation 22:12 "And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to every one according to his work."
Revelation 22:20 He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming quickly.”
Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!
Four times in the opening chapters and four times in the closing chapters. It was like a veil had been pulled away and I was seeing these verses clearly for the first time. I couldn't ignore them and what they were saying. The time was near...Not far. He was going to be coming quickly...Not after a delay of some 2000+ years. And as an encouragement because of the tribulation that the original recipients were dealing with, they were told to "Hold fast until I come!"
The original recipients that were being persecuted because of their faith were being encouraged by the words of Jesus through this Revelation to hold fast to that faith and persevere, "Until He came!"
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Changes...Some good, some bad...Day 17
After school that morning I went back up to the radio station to wrap up a few things from the night before. While I was there I thought I'd run in and see our news director, Brian Perez. I dropped by his studio with Bible in hand and gave him a cliff's notes version of what I had discovered earlier that morning. I then proceeded to point out some passages from the Bible that I had never really noticed before, that now stood out like a sore thumb.
The first one was Matthew 10:23 which states that Jesus, disciples whom He was sending out would, "not have gone through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes." Which always left me wondering which of Jesus disciples were still wandering around the Judean countryside today going from city to city spreading the good news. I mean hey...Didn't they all die before the first century came to a close? Right? 8)
And then there was Matthew 16:27-28 "For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works. Assuredly, I say to you,(Jesus' disciples) there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.”
How could I have missed verses like this before? That Jesus' disciples would not make it through the cities of Israel and that some of them would not die before the Son of Man comes. Those verses are right there. I had either read or listened to these same verses who knows how many times before. Of course as I looked back I realized that either these verses had been glazed over by myself or those teachers that I had been listening to or attributed to something else. I think it safe to say that certain presuppositional biases I held to kept me from understanding them.
And so I asked Brian, "Have you ever seen these verses before? Look at what they are saying." He said, "Yeah...I've seen them before and they've made me scratch my head...But I never really gave much thought to them."
And then...Whooosh...My friend Jymi Stewart comes into the studio behind me and says, "What's up dude...I know what you're doing...you're wrong!" I said, "Huh?" By the way...If you've ever spent much time in a radio station you would understand what I mean by...Whooosh, when Jymi came in. Recording studios are sound proof, sealed and pretty much air tight. So when the door opens quickly...Whooosh!!! Anyhow, back to the story. 8)
I can only assume that he had spoken to Lee Davis while I was in school and that Lee told Jymi about the same things that I brought up to Lee earlier that morning. From what I remember Lee was just about as excited about this new discovery as I was. And so I had barely understood much less embraced a fulfilled view of eschatology for what was maybe 6 hours and I already ran into fierce opposition.
A little background info about Jymi Stewart. I met him at the station a couple of years earlier. He wasn't your typical Calvary Chapel kind of guy. If I remember correctly he didn't even attend a Calvary Chapel, then again most of the people that worked for the station didn't attend one either. Some did though. Anyhow...I considered Jymi a good friend. He was someone that had a great zeal for the Bible and spent a lot of time studying cults and apologetics so that he could be a useful tool in the hands of God.
Over the next few weeks as I began to study the fulfilled view of Bible prophecy or preterism, I took the time to run some of these idea's past Jymi. But he would have nothing to do with it. I was just wrong and that's all there was to it. At least that's how I remember it going down. It was a very intense time of study and emotion and with all these new ideas running through my head I may have remembered something wrong. Either way the more I became convinced of the preterist method of interpretation the less Jymi wanted to have anything to do with me.
Since that time, my relationship with Jymi hasn't been the only one affected by my understanding of Bible prophecy. However the loss of his friendship has been the most significant. Others have disagreed...But none so disagreeably. I'd love to be friends with him again some day. I've even attempted to add him as a friend on Facebook. But I can only conclude by his lack of response that he still feels the same as he did more than four years ago.
The first one was Matthew 10:23 which states that Jesus, disciples whom He was sending out would, "not have gone through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes." Which always left me wondering which of Jesus disciples were still wandering around the Judean countryside today going from city to city spreading the good news. I mean hey...Didn't they all die before the first century came to a close? Right? 8)
And then there was Matthew 16:27-28 "For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works. Assuredly, I say to you,(Jesus' disciples) there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.”
How could I have missed verses like this before? That Jesus' disciples would not make it through the cities of Israel and that some of them would not die before the Son of Man comes. Those verses are right there. I had either read or listened to these same verses who knows how many times before. Of course as I looked back I realized that either these verses had been glazed over by myself or those teachers that I had been listening to or attributed to something else. I think it safe to say that certain presuppositional biases I held to kept me from understanding them.
And so I asked Brian, "Have you ever seen these verses before? Look at what they are saying." He said, "Yeah...I've seen them before and they've made me scratch my head...But I never really gave much thought to them."
And then...Whooosh...My friend Jymi Stewart comes into the studio behind me and says, "What's up dude...I know what you're doing...you're wrong!" I said, "Huh?" By the way...If you've ever spent much time in a radio station you would understand what I mean by...Whooosh, when Jymi came in. Recording studios are sound proof, sealed and pretty much air tight. So when the door opens quickly...Whooosh!!! Anyhow, back to the story. 8)
I can only assume that he had spoken to Lee Davis while I was in school and that Lee told Jymi about the same things that I brought up to Lee earlier that morning. From what I remember Lee was just about as excited about this new discovery as I was. And so I had barely understood much less embraced a fulfilled view of eschatology for what was maybe 6 hours and I already ran into fierce opposition.
A little background info about Jymi Stewart. I met him at the station a couple of years earlier. He wasn't your typical Calvary Chapel kind of guy. If I remember correctly he didn't even attend a Calvary Chapel, then again most of the people that worked for the station didn't attend one either. Some did though. Anyhow...I considered Jymi a good friend. He was someone that had a great zeal for the Bible and spent a lot of time studying cults and apologetics so that he could be a useful tool in the hands of God.
Over the next few weeks as I began to study the fulfilled view of Bible prophecy or preterism, I took the time to run some of these idea's past Jymi. But he would have nothing to do with it. I was just wrong and that's all there was to it. At least that's how I remember it going down. It was a very intense time of study and emotion and with all these new ideas running through my head I may have remembered something wrong. Either way the more I became convinced of the preterist method of interpretation the less Jymi wanted to have anything to do with me.
Since that time, my relationship with Jymi hasn't been the only one affected by my understanding of Bible prophecy. However the loss of his friendship has been the most significant. Others have disagreed...But none so disagreeably. I'd love to be friends with him again some day. I've even attempted to add him as a friend on Facebook. But I can only conclude by his lack of response that he still feels the same as he did more than four years ago.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Article links on Day 15...
If you missed the links on day 15 late yesterday and early this morning they are back up. I shut down the site that I had them posted on. DOH...
Anyhow...I got them back up and they are WELL worth reading if you haven't read them yet. 8)
Mike
Anyhow...I got them back up and they are WELL worth reading if you haven't read them yet. 8)
Mike
Thursday, April 30, 2009
A New Day Had Dawned...Day 16
And so...It was those three articles in day 15, that were the final straw that broke the camel's back. And guess what...I was that camel. It was four o'clock in the morning and let's just say that I was very glad that the programming at the station was music at that time. In other words it was pretty easy to just let things go into auto. What a long hour that was...
Five o'clock rolls around and Lee Davis walks into the studio. "Hey Buddy...What's up?" I said, "Lee...I know you don't want to talk about eschatology with me...And you don't even have to respond to what I am about to say... What if we were both wrong? What if we had both been looking at things from the wrong perspective?" And so I gave him a short rundown of what happened the day before and where my research based on my classmates statement about Hank Hanegraaff had led me. As well I left the three articles I had just read up on the computer for him to read. And it was because of these three articles that the animosity between us was completely shattered. All of a sudden so many things that had been such strong points of contention over the last few months had completely faded away. The idea that, "All things written," could have been fulfilled, in the first century, upon the generation that Jesus came to suddenly opened up a channel of dialog that had been closed for many months.
Six o'clock rolls around and our news director Brian Perez comes in for his morning shift. Brian and I had spent a little time now and then talking about various subjects. And so I felt rather comfortable sharing with him about the articles I had come across and what they could have meant. He was rather open to what I had to say. As any good news hound should be. 8) But he had to get to work and so did I.
Later that morning as I went to class I was rather distracted by the articles that I had read earlier. That along with the fact that I had a laptop with wireless that connected to the churches wireless didn't really help me focus on the classes that day. I was rather distracted to say the least. When my classes were finished I had plenty of questions to ask and I wasn't very concerned with who the recipients of my inquiries were. I was filled with a new and revived interest in a subject that had left me frustrated and stymied over the previous months leading up to this ill fated day.
I wanted some answers...
Five o'clock rolls around and Lee Davis walks into the studio. "Hey Buddy...What's up?" I said, "Lee...I know you don't want to talk about eschatology with me...And you don't even have to respond to what I am about to say... What if we were both wrong? What if we had both been looking at things from the wrong perspective?" And so I gave him a short rundown of what happened the day before and where my research based on my classmates statement about Hank Hanegraaff had led me. As well I left the three articles I had just read up on the computer for him to read. And it was because of these three articles that the animosity between us was completely shattered. All of a sudden so many things that had been such strong points of contention over the last few months had completely faded away. The idea that, "All things written," could have been fulfilled, in the first century, upon the generation that Jesus came to suddenly opened up a channel of dialog that had been closed for many months.
Six o'clock rolls around and our news director Brian Perez comes in for his morning shift. Brian and I had spent a little time now and then talking about various subjects. And so I felt rather comfortable sharing with him about the articles I had come across and what they could have meant. He was rather open to what I had to say. As any good news hound should be. 8) But he had to get to work and so did I.
Later that morning as I went to class I was rather distracted by the articles that I had read earlier. That along with the fact that I had a laptop with wireless that connected to the churches wireless didn't really help me focus on the classes that day. I was rather distracted to say the least. When my classes were finished I had plenty of questions to ask and I wasn't very concerned with who the recipients of my inquiries were. I was filled with a new and revived interest in a subject that had left me frustrated and stymied over the previous months leading up to this ill fated day.
I wanted some answers...
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